Practicing a Passion

People who are close to me know that I really love to sing.

Although very few people have heard me sing over the last year.
I may have been in The Addams Family Musical but I was able to slip away without many cast members
hearing me often during practice and shows I had to pretend no one could hear me. I liked it that way
because I have a lot more anxiety within this past year. I know this puzzles my friends/family because
I am in drama and I dance onstage often but honestly I’m anxious during that too. Somehow I just push
myself more. Now that I have acknowledged the fact that people make me nervous and singing for them is
out of the question because of my anxiety, it’s time to push. And this past week, I did.

It was Monday afternoon when I saw my host mom was watching a singing program on tv. Then like it
was an itch, I really wanted to sing but she was home so I went upstairs to my room to study. I started
listening to my music while studying and that’s when the itch got stronger, eventually, I caved in. I opened
the window, to let the sound out and closed my door. I sang for about an hour when my host mom
knocked and walked in saying that she was heading out and that she liked my singing. My heart stopped
solid.

That night during ballet I thought about what my host mom said and I began to relax. So on Tuesday while
I was home alone I sang again. I was supposed to be alone for hours but my host mom ended up home
early so she ended up hearing me sing again. At this point, it was nerve-racking but manageable.

Then Friday came along, I was home with my host mom and I asked her if it would bother her if I practiced
singing. She told me it was a good time, she was making supper in the kitchen and I sang in the living
room. Manageable. Then my host dad walked in halfway through a note but I was facing away so his
clapping startled me. He enjoyed my singing and I decided this was my new push for singing for the day.
I still had some time before my host siblings came home so I continued but they were early too so at this
point I couldn’t do it. My anxiety rose and I panicked a lot. I gave up for the night and we had supper.

My host dad then on Sunday mentioned I should sing more and I told him about my anxiety.
He understood and even though I have pushed far this past week, I need a little break before I sing in front
of all them once again.